The Different Bartender Personalities

If you’ve been in the service industry for a while, or are a seasoned bar-goer, you know there’s lots of different bartender personalities out there. Some are good, some… slightly less good.

Whether you head to the local watering hole for a nightly bottle of wine (don’t judge), or just have a few social beers after work, you’re sure to have encountered some of these types.  Read on for some common bartender personalities you’ll find lurking behind the stick.

Different Bartender Personalities

Of course, this is all in good fun so no mean comments.


The Inattentive Bartender

Can I call ahead and give you my order?  Because waiting 10 minutes for a draft beer makes us feel STRESSED.  You are so nice when you finally notice us doing cartwheels and/or loudly weeping in the hopes of capturing your attention, but damn your ass is slow!

Signs to look out for:

  • Brow permanently furrowed in partial confusion
  • Constantly laughing at his phone
  • 19-year-old girl

The Angry Bartender

Ah the grumpy bartender.  We can’t get mad at you because… alcohol.  What can we do to make you happy, cause good tips and politeness don’t seem to do it?  Your service is surly and your drinks weak, but we just can’t quit you, because, again… alcohol.

Signs to look out for:

  • A thousand-yard stare
  • Reminds you of your unhappy childhood
  • Plays obscure electronica no one else wants to hear

The Flirty Bartender

You’re hot, but you’re not that hot, you know?  But, we’re weak and insecure so we’ll take all the attention we can get.  Wait, you just got us a free drink.  Maybe you’re hotter than we thought.

Signs to look out for:

  • Muscles
  • Sparkly eyeshadow
  • Tribal tats

The Super Serious Bartender

You make every drink with the intensity of a surgeon saving a life.  You ALWAYS measure and never have time to talk, which is actually fine cause you scare us a little.  The gift of gab is not your strong suit, but that’s ok; we’re here to smother our emotions not chit chat.

Signs to look out for:

  • Weirdly shaped bottle openers
  • Visibly upset when a glass breaks
  • Sweaty

The Genuinely Really Good Bartender

We’ve seen you hold 6 bottles of Corona in one hand, open them with the other and take three orders all while dancing along (in a funny, not cringey way) to the music.  You flirt the exact right amount, chat the exact right amount, and make us feel oh-so-special.  We know it’s all for show and we’re not really your best friend, but JUST LET US HAVE OUR DREAMS OK?

Signs to look out for:

  • You’re broke leaving the bar

The Tipsy Bartender

You’re always giving us shots as an excuse to take one yourself and we see you sneakily pouring that crappy house whiskey into your coffee.  By midnight you have to hold on to the tap handles so you don’t fall over.  Your coworkers may hate you, but we LOVE you for your um… generous spirit.

Signs to look out for:

  • Glazed eyes
  • Inappropriate laughter
  • Napping

We took the same amount of shots, but surprisingly I’m drunker than you. hmmmm…


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