We’ve all said some stupid things at the bar, and especially when we’ve had too much to drink. However, your bartender should not be the person you say it to. Know what to say and what to never say to a bartender.
Being in a bar is one of the major advantages of being an adult. And bartenders have the benefit of working in these sacred places. We, the customers must behave like adults and respect these gatekeepers of fun.
Here are a few of the things that your local bartender can tell you they would rather not hear you say.
“Make me a drink.”
– Oh, sure thing.
Bartender: Here’s my favorite, a drink called a Red Devil.
Customer: No I’m allergic to Vodka.
Bartender: Oh, ok. Here’s a Yuengling.
Customer: I’m on a diet so beer is out. What else do you got?
Bartender: How about a mojito?
Customer: Nah I need something a little stronger.
Sure, let me just spend all night trying to figure out what you want instead of you just telling me so I can help other customers. Make up your mind and stop being so indecisive when you go to the bar.
“I know the owner of this place.”
– Great, so do I.
What’s your point? If you truly do know the owner, then you know that they have to pay bills just like you and me which means you pay for your drinks just like everyone else. I’m expected to give you good service, you tip, and everyone has a good night.
“How do you not have …?”
– We are the bartender, not the owner.
We most likely do not know why we do not have what you want. Even if we do, we have other customers we need to take care of and don’t have time to explain the complex financial decisions that led to the owner/manager deciding to not carry that particular drink in stock. You’ve been drinking and it’s pretty loud in here so it’s going to be hard for you to hear and comprehend what I am trying to tell you anyway. So, please just suck it up and pick another drink, okay?
– Sure, we will go ahead and over-pour and risk our job just for you.
Not a problem. I mean nobody else wants more for their money, right? The owner doesn’t have an overhead, right? Here’s the thing… If you are someone we would be willing to risk our job for by “hooking up,” you wouldn’t need to ask us for the favor, not to mention you would respect us enough not to put us in the awkward situation by asking us to do so for you. We have set standards as far as how much we pour and our jobs depend on our accuracy and reliability.
“What’s cheap here?”
– What this translates to us is “for future reference, avoid serving this person like the plague, because my tips, if any, are going to be horrible.”
We get it, you’re on a budget. However, what is “cheapest” may not be what you like to drink, nor have we memorized the prices of every single drink we have. The safe bet is to order a draft beer which is cheaper than the bottle, then mixed drinks and wines coming in last. Please DO NOT expect us to go over to the touch-screen and look at several drink prices for you while we are attempting to serve other people.
“Can I get your phone number?”
– Sure, let me go ahead and give a stranger here at my workplace my number.
What possibly could go wrong with that? I give you my number and if things don’t work out, every time you come to the bar, we get to awkwardly see each other every time! If you really want to get to know the bartender, instead of asking for our phone number, give us yours. Don’t ask us if we want it, just write down your name, put it on a piece of paper, and give it to us. If for some reason you caught our interest, you’ll hear from us. If you never hear from me, understand this is where I do my business, not pick up dates.
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